Follies, let's talk about schmoopey PDA.
Last night at dinner, I sat near a couple in a booth whose displays of affection were a little, erm, over the top.
The guy had thought ahead. There was a gorgeous bouquet of roses and baby's breath already waiting on the table for them. He was wearing a dress shirt, slacks, and a tie. She was in a banded black dress so short she was walking with her hand in front of her crotch I KID YOU NOT.
She noticed the flowers and turned to him, and they started making out. Like, really going at it. Then they sat. He seemed really fidgety, and got up from his seat across from her and sat next to her, café-style.
He fed her little bites in between kisses.
She fed him little bites in between kisses.
It was nauseating and fascinating to watch. The entire crew of wait staff was watching them as intently as I was. They had a camera and took cutesy food pictures of each other. He still seemed nervous. If they didn't seem so comfortable with each other, I'd almost suspect them of being on a first date. He kept twitching. I waited – for a ring. I thought for sure he was proposing.
My waiter passed me a note when he brought me the dessert menu. "That just makes me want to, I don't know – throw up?"
Best note from a waiter ever.
But they kept feeding each other little bites of spring rolls. They kept tasting each others martinis. And they kept making out – SERIOUSLY making out – in their booth. I started to get a little disgusted. I mean sure, it was like a train wreck – I couldn't look away – but the booths weren't very private. And as the night got later, the restaurant filled up a little more and the privacy they may have had vanished. I was bordering on voyeurism as I kept watching.
He never proposed.
He should have proposed. That would have excused the schmoopey-ness of their date. We could have all cheered them on. But they didn't get engaged. He didn't propose. Instead, they just ate each other for dinner while we all watched. Their PDA was, in my not so humble opinion, completely inexcusable (but also pretty damn entertaining).
The takeaway message here – You should probably save that stuff for the bedroom ;)