Karaoke was a baaaaad idea

Happy Christmas!!

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday full of presents and family, or church services, or a movie and Chinese food.  I, however, spent my holiday with a cold.  And not a nice one with a couple sneezes here or there, but a full-on cold complete with body aches, a sore throat, an occasional sneeze, itchy eyes, and a stuffy nose.  Because of this unfortunate turn of events, I was stuck with a very difficult choice at Christmas dinner – cold/flu meds or wine?

This was like having to pick one child over the other, if I had children.

So I did what any good parent would do – I picked my favorite.

Wine.

The after dinner activity for the family was Wii American Idol Karaoke, so I think I chose wisely.  What I did not choose wisely, however, was the song to sing.

I mean, to be fair, I didn’t pick the song.  My aunt did.  And I looked at the song and thought, “oh hey, that’s in my key.  And I know the words.  I can totally sing this with her.”

Oops.

The song? “Who Knew” by P!nk. 

It hit me about mid-chorus, a minute or two in, what exactly I was singing.

 

I kept going, kept pushing through.  My aunt had no idea when she picked the song.

Okay, I didn’t cry, thank goodness, but the tears barely stayed in their little ducts before we got to the end of the song.

I’ve been a borderline wreck, emotionally speaking, ever since.  I don’t know whether to blame the poor song choice or the invisible vice around my body made only slightly more bearable with store-brand DayQuil.

I'm blaming the cold meds.

All at once the crowd begins to sing

I started the day looking at his toothbrush.  I haven't tossed it yet; it’s still in my bathroom drawer, wrapped in a plastic bag.  I don’t use that drawer for much, but today I needed a round brush to make my hair look all nice and full of body, so I had to dip into the drawer. 

That should have been a clue to me that this would not be a good emotional day.

I spent the day with the madre, who tells me often (read: every time I see her) how much better off I am without D and how clearly he just can’t communicate, and on and on and on.  Then I had to recap the breakup story with my aunt, and oh – met my cousin for lunch and her new FIANCE.

Shoot me now.

I finally broke down this evening, right before leaving for church with my parents, when I was killing time online and saw a gorgeous picture of a man proposing to his gal on The Chive (yeah, I’m totally pimping out The Chive right now.  Whatever.  Just check it out.) I got all sad and mopey and upset, and on the drive home from my parents’ house the song “All At Once” by the Fray came on.

Fuckity fuck fuck, I lost it.  I couldn’t stop crying.  It was awful.  I know it’s only been a week, but I felt like I was past the bawling and crying stage.  I feel like I’ve been handling it so well so far that I feel like I can’t cry about him anymore.  It’s not true, I know it’s not true, and I know it’ll probably take me a while to get to a really good place, but I just can’t stand crying in general and especially not over guys.  I don’t even know why I feel like I’m putting this deadline on myself.  I shouldn’t be in a rush to get over him.  I spent nearly a year with him, so I’m obviously not going to be moving on any time soon.  But I’m still irritated about the whole thing – the breakup, the crying, the potential for seeing D this week on the bus – and I feel like I have to be okay in front of everyone else and bottle up how awful I feel.

Maybe this is the reason it doesn’t yet feel like Christmas to me.  I hope I will by next weekend – can’t believe it’s already Christmas!!

-Folly