Folly's Follies Deserve an Update!

Oh my goodness.  I feel like I've been crazy-busy lately, and I know I'm a total slacker with my blog reading (so sorry everyone!!), and I feel like I sort of left you all with this vision of me as depressed, withering away in my bed all day, not eating.

That's usually me when I'm depressed.

But I was able to pull myself out of bed to go to work, and occasionally get to the gym (and almost fall off an elliptical machine.)  And I was even able to eat a bit of food. Sort of. As much as Trevor would let me.

But now I'm prepping for having some lady friends over tomorrow night, so I only have a bit of time, but I wanted to let you know that Hey! I'm okay!  The plan is to the see the doctor sometime in August, when I get another paycheck and can actually afford to see a doctor.  I hope he'll be able to sort out my moods AND my stomach issues.

Also, WNG and I are finito.  After he contacted me, we hung out once and it was great and comfortable.  We were supposed to hang out a mere two days later, and at the last minute he canceled on me.  He called later that night and I found out that oh – he's got a week of travel here and two travel weeks there and that's all within 5 WEEKS OF EACH OTHER so it's just clear that he has NO time for me right now.  So.  The plan is to sign up for eHarmony in August (again, when I get a paycheck and can afford it).

Even my mother thought it was a great idea, so I figure if my mom approves of online dating then there's no turning back and chickening out now.

It's interesting, though, how many women keep telling me, "awww, he could come around! Maybe you'll work out!"  <-- I had that conversation with a coworker today.  Love her, and she loves hearing about my dating life, but she said that and I just said something vague like, "Yeah, I guess we'll see. I'm not holding my breath haha" while thinking to myself, "Why would I stick with him? I deserve someone who will make time for me!"

In addition to sounding like a whiny, love-struck 17-year-old, I've been working on some professional growth things – attending classes and whatnot – so I'm hoping to move forward into a different career within the next year.  Things are looking up, so I'm hoping this will all lift my mood a bit! Maybe even Trevor will be happier, too!

So, in short (but really, longer than intended) I'm feeling better and looking forward to just moving forward with everything.  Here's hoping things continue movin' on up! 

Oh, and my cashier at the liquor store today? McHottie.  Also, McFlirtie.  Must purchase more alcohol on Thursday evenings!!

STOP THE PRESSES!!

Good heavens, Follies, STOP THE PRESSES!!

WNG contacted me.  The guy I'd completely written off contacted me, eager to get together after a few busy weeks at work.

Say wha--?

I'd really written him off.  I mean, sure, my gut a while back told me to wait it out, and my two closest, bestest friends told me to wait it out a bit longer, but based on every previous experience ever, when a guy says he's too busy, it does NOT mean he's too busy.  It means he's not interested in ever seeing me again and can't say so.

But now, here's WNG.

We have two dates set up - today and Tuesday.  I was just perusing a singles event at the local zoo (happening in two weeks) and was pricing tickets when he contacted me.  I wonder if I can convince him to purchase a ticket...we can pretend to meet there...I mean, listen, people at this event get to take part in interactive exhibits with the animals.  I could meet a giraffe, or an elephant.  So, I kinda want to go.

Anyhoo, back to the point of this post - not that there is a point, but I'll try to come up with one - apparently, guys really can be busy.  I don't think it excuses him disappearing for a while, but in his case, it was true.

Which means I really don't understand guys now.  But at least I have one happy point back in my life. Now, to work on happying the other points...

Folly Considers Online Dating and Also Loves Giraffes

There are two things that make me feel better when I'm feeling down: Cleaning the house and working out.  Now, I'm a naturally lazy person, so neither of these things are all that appealing to me in ANY mood, but I'm pretty sure there's scientific evidence out there about a clean house equaling a clearer mind; however, I'm feeling lazy and I don't feel like searching it out and finding it for you. So, you'll have to trust me on that. I mean, c'mon - would I lie to you??

I wouldn't.

Promise.

I went to the zoo today, so I was walking for hours out in the sunshine.  Sunshine + walking = much happier mood.  Then, when I got home, I cleaned up a bit around the house, especially the kitchen area.  Clean kitchen = much clearer mood.

I thought I was having a good day. At the very least, a rational day.

But once I sat down, got online, and started relaxing, I realized I wasn't in a good mood.  Apparently, it was only temporarily.

I still haven't seen WNG.  We texted last Friday, but he never responded.  I haven't heard from him, we haven't set up a date, and I have no friggin' clue what's going on with us. At this point, it's been a week and I've decided it's pretty clear - we're over.  He's not interested. Who knew the Nice Guys were such chicken shits?

So now I'm more seriously looking at dating websites. I think I'm able to afford it now, since I've recently received a pay raise at work (yay!) so I just have to pick one.  I wish they posted their "Free Communication Weekends" in advance - I'd hate to sign up and pay for a few months and then have them promote a free weekend!! (although last year there was a free weekend at the end of July, so maybe another one will happen soon??)

I've narrowed it down to Chemistry.com and eHarmony.com.  I know about 10 people who met their current paramours/husbands on eHarms, and I'm familiar with the scientist behind Chemistry.com (she's came to speak at my university while I was there. Luv huh!). I know both of these sites have some of the longest personality questionnaires, but I'm okay with that if it helps me get a better match.

Plus, they're pretty popular and well-known, so I feel like there will be more people signed up.  Or, to be clearer, there will be more GUYS signed up, therefore more chances for a match.

I can only afford one, so I'll have to make a choice.  So far, I'm leaning toward eHarms, but only time will tell. Naturally I'll keep you all posted (since apparently this blog is staying put, as I haven't figured out what I want to do with it/my "brand/etc. haha).

To end on a happy note, I give you a picture I took today of a giraffe.  I'm a sucker for anything giraffe-print, including actual giraffes.

And oh heck, let's throw in a Giraffe video, courtesy of SNL and Hulu, for the heck of it:

Folly Gets Serious

At first, I was convinced I was Depressed.  The feeling's been going on for a few weeks now and I even put calling my doctor on my list of Things To Do But Will Procrastinate In Doing, but there was something off about it.  Something not so...sad.  Now, I'm generally a Depressive person, and I know what Depression feels like for me.  This was off.  So then I decided I must be suffering from Anxiety.  Again, something I know about.  In high school, I used to suffer Panic Attacks and Vertigo just at the thought of raising my hand to answer a question.

Despite my love of Alfred Hitchcock, I can't stand this movie.

I decided against the Anxiety when I realized I wasn't actually anxious about anything.  So I went back to Depression.

I'm still not positive that's what it is, since it seems different than what I've experienced before, but I'm certainly feeling something.  I have a lot of reasons to feel run-down, depressed, stressed-out, or more.  Mom is still unemployed, has been for 19 months, and it's really taking a toll on her.  She's very depressed, lacking confidence, and, as it happens with unemployment, money is tight.  She's also admitted that it's taking a toll on her and my father's relationship.

I'm not seriously worried about them, but I don't like to hear those things.

In addition, I spent the last four weeks training for my first ever 5k race, held on The Fourth.  I didn't run the 3.1 miles straight through, but I did my darndest and I achieved all of my goals for the event:
A.   Finish in under 45 minutes
B.   Don't be the last to finish
C.   Just Finish. Alive.

That other time is the "chip time", whatever that is.

I finished the race in 37:43.83, well under my 45 minute goal. YAY ME! Unfortunately, the training and the race left me completely spent.  I'll be honest - I did not take as good of care of myself as I should have with the training and the running.  I didn't drink enough water, I didn't eat enough protein - lesson learned, for sure.

So, what do we have so far? We have mom's stressors, which are a domino effect for the rest of the family.  We have physical stressors, from the running and the training.  We have the already existing stressors from trying to figure out a career path and dealing with Trevor the Terrible Large Intestine.

My feet are covered with 'skeeter bites (apparently wearing flip-flops, after running, on a summer night = bugs descend like crazy).  Oh, my computer keeps going berserk-o on me and I have no idea why!

Basically, it all adds up to be not being in a good head space.  Then, of course, there's WNG.  WNG is working a lot, and he was gone on the holiday weekend, and so I haven't seen him in over two weeks.  I haven't spoken to him on the phone in almost as long.  We've conversed ever-so-briefly via text messages in the last two days, but we haven't made any plans to see each other.

This upsets me.

But I can't tell if it upsets me because there's actually a root issue, or if it upsets me because I have so much going on right now that I can't deal with a boy at the moment.

I've tried to listen to my Gut, and determine if it's a Gut Issue or a Dragon Issue, but I have no feeling about it.  No Gut feelings.  No Dragon feelings.  Just unclear, upset feelings.

I don't really know where I'm going with this rant.  I started writing all these things down for myself and felt the need to share them with others.  Perhaps I'm just tired and just need some sleep.  Perhaps I somehow managed to fuck things up with this great guy and ended up with a crash-n-burn relationship to show for it.  Or, perhaps I'm just overthinking things with WNG because of other things going on right now. 

I don't know.  I just really don't know what's going on with any part of my life right now.  When I go back and preview the post, I feel so stupid about even complaining about the WNG issues.  I read what I've written and think, logically, this is No. Big. Deal.  But it doesn't feel like it's no big deal.

Geez, what am I, 17 again?

Effff.....

Love is an Angel Disguised as Lust -- (Aymes Repplier)

Well hiddy ho there fellow Follies.  Hope you enjoyed that little story about the Lawyer.  Pretty good story, amirite? I've followed up with the girl who set us up, and she thanked me and was impressed with me being so honest with my feelings (I may have left out a detail or two).  She's also promised to let me know of other eligible bachelors she meets.  So.  We'll see.  I haven't told her I'm dating someone else since WNG and I haven't exactly had a talk yet about exclusivity.  Speaking of WNG...

Things are going well.  SUPER well.  I'm trying not to get too wrapped up in him, you know, avoid the whole "Halo Effect" thing, but he's just such a great guy, so it's becoming very difficult to keep my wits about me.

Young love, I s'pose.

We've been dating just under two months, and while we've discussed certain things like religion and families (religion, Follies, this is huge for me!), we've not discussed whether or not we're seeing other people, in a relationship, etc.  This is the part of dating I hate - that whole in-between part where you're not just getting to know someone but you aren't in a relationship just yet.  Okay, to be fair, I hate dating in general.  I like first dates....and being in a relationship.  That whole in between part? No, thank you.

He's been super busy with work lately, but he's still making an effort to see me, which tells me things are still well and good with us (I get super anxious with guys...so the little things HAVE to count).

I've also been giving more thought to the future of Folly of One and I've decided...what if I started a Tumblr? Same name (Folly of One, assuming it's available), I could keep the Twitter account, I could post smaller posts - maybe funnier posts (assuming you think I'm funny...humor me and say I am), or more pictures, or both, and it could be something I could keep private if I wanted or share if I wanted.  Most importantly, it could be something I could start without having the dating background to it.

That's ultimately the issue with this blog - moving forward and away from the heavy dating background.  That's not something I necessarily want to delete, as I feel I'd have to do with this blog to keep it around (and with the comics and the history, it's like deleting a child!), but something I feel like has served it's purpose.  I no longer need the blog to share my feelings and get over D, but I am interested in sharing my funny, innermost thoughts online (sort of).

So, what say the Follies? If I moved to a Tumblr would you still follow me? Is it a smart idea? I like the idea so far, but I don't want to rush into anything -- I have a habit of doing that online, and I want to really think smartly about this.

(Of course, if I made the move I'd update you all on the new site.  You've been great Follies and I don't want to lose you!!)

And because I hate posting a blog post without a picture or graphic of some kind, I give you:

The Date with the Noisy Lawyer

I look back on this date and laugh.  It was a good date.  No one else really agrees with me, and it certainly makes for a great story, but I really had no idea how...interesting...it was until I noticed other people's reactions as I told the story.

He called me directly instead of meeting me for drinks with the friend who set us up.  She said he'd rather contact me directly - fine with me.  So he called.  Red Flag one was the little mix-up in our activities for the evening.  I'd told our mutual friend, after seeing some of his photos on Facebook, that I had a thing for golfers.  Somehow that got back to him in a different form, and when he called he suggested we go hit some balls after dinner.

I don't play golf.

I can barely swing a club.

I attempted, and attempted is really the key word here, to explain the mix-up without fully giving away what I'd told our friend.  I glossed over my own skills or lack thereof at the sport and explained that I liked golf but I wasn't all that interested in playing.  His response was:

"You just need to practice more.  If you practice more, you'll like it."

Naturally.  I brushed aside his suggestion, or insistence, that I simply needed to practice the sport more to enjoy playing it (I'm perfectly content to caddy for my parents at the moment thankyouverymuch).

I'll caddy for you anytime, Rory McIlroy

As I walked up to the restaurant, I felt exactly like those people you see on the Match.com commercials, walking into their first date.  I felt all clammy and nervous, expecting that familiar jingle to start playing as I headed to the door in my jeans, tee, and pointy heels.

We went to a Vietnamese place and made our own spring rolls - super fun.  (Is it wrong that I now want to take WNG there for the same thing?)  We also had Vietnamese coffee, which was very tasty - also, very caffeinated.  I no longer drink soda, tea, or other caffeinated beverages past about 1pm, so I did not sleep a WINK that night.  Unfortunately, things went downhill not long after arriving. You see, I was told he was "only 5'9"."  This is not an issue, as I am short and even in 4-inch heels I don't break 5'7".  I quickly discovered that Lawyer was SO NOT the 5'9" I was told he was.  I practically towered over him.  This was weird - I'm never taller than anyone!

A personal annoyance of mine is someone who flashes their ability to pay for something at me.  Lawyer insisted I could order anything I wanted off the menu because he was paying.

Um, yes, yes you are paying, I wanted to say.  YOU are the one who called ME! That's my rule - barring any sort of long-term relationship mumbo-jumbo, or really expensive things like concerts or amusement parks, whoever does the asking does the paying.

I must give him credit, he seemed like a really nice, genuine guy, though he could have kept the volume down a bit when telling me about his recent cases.  He's very loud and talkative, and maybe the table behind us didn't need to hear about how one client had his penis out, in his hands, masturbating while women walked passed his car.  Or the details from the sexual assault by the guy who's now in court for the third time on such a charge.

Oh, yeah, side note: I cut my hair super short!!

I could feel my face going red as he spoke, and I tried to shrink as far down in my booth as possible.  At about this point, the table behind us got up to leave after they finished dinner, and as they left they stopped at our table and the lady said, "It was nice getting to know the two of you."

OH NO THEY DI'IN'T (oh yes they did)

WHO DOES THAT????  ANYONE reading our body language could tell that we don't really know each other, and we're likely on a first date.  You can usually tell which couples those are in a restaurant, and dear heavens to Betsy I would NEVER in a million years walk up to a couple that appeared to be on a first date and make such an asinine comment.

I wouldn't make such a comment to any couple, but especially not one that appeared to be on a first date.

Any-hoo...

Lawyer was kind of a showoff - telling me how he can do whatever he puts his mind to doing, no matter how hard.  Like skiing.  If he wants to go down a Double Diamond hill, then by golly he's going to make it down that Double Diamond hill no matter what.  Because he can.  He kept inviting me to go to Yoga with him the following night (his friend owns the place so he could probably get me a discount).  In fact, he invited me no less than three times to join him at Yoga.

His wallet was made of Argentinean leather, which, you know, is like, super rare and special.  He told me all about a European trip he took with an ex-girlfriend after high school, when they were already exes (don't ever do that, by the way, go on vacation with an ex. So he tells me...).  Really? I don't care if that was 10 years ago -- please don't mention any exes.

Despite his glowing qualities, we had nothing in common.  Different music tastes, movies, book subjects, height, volume levels...he just couldn't compare to WNG, who I'd seen only three days before (and was seeing again the next night, hence why I couldn't accept the ever-present Yoga invitation).

At the end of the date, he took out his phone and showed me pictures of his friend's dog - who had chewed up part of his Argentinean leather wallet - and his parents' two dogs.

After that date, I realized WNG really was the catch I thought he was (and still think he is!).  Also, I started to rethink these set-ups I never had an issue with before.   I MEAN REALLY!!

The Hyannis Port Update

My hiatus isn't helping.  I've been thinking on it, long and hard, and I've decided to let the follies help me out.

You see, I'm in a pickle.  A big, giant, green, kosher, dill pickle about the whole bloggy-blog world and where it fits with me.  I like it.  I love it.  I want some more of it - except for when I post some drunken posts. (But hey - those can be edited or deleted!)

Now - the pickle.  The real pickle.  The pickle that may not be a pickle at all (so, it's a cucumber?).  As you may (or, rather, SHOULD) know, I've been seeing this great guy I call WNG. Pronounced as "wing".  WNG is awesome.  WNG is nice.  WNG is someone with whom I can have a conversation about Tea Party politics, Dumb and Dumber and why we both don't like it, and our most embarrassing drunken incidents all in one night.  While missing out on the event we're attending.  That we paid to attend.

In short, he's great, I've met his sister, and at this point I don't want to fuck this up.  Hence the pickle (or cucumber).  Because while I don't think something as silly as a personal blog could possibly break up a couple (and if it could, maybe the couple shouldn't have been together anyway), I also don't think it's something worth coming between a great couple.  What if he doesn't want me to write about him at all?  What if he's uncomfortable with the fact that I had 4 dates within 9 days with 3 different guys, and he was one of the guys (and two of the dates)?

Most importantly and speculatively, what if he's uncomfortable with all The Bandleader posts?

Because you see follies, WNG is a friend of The Bandleader.

I always tend to speculate and postulate and other-lates and this could clearly not be a big issue.  He may not even be a good or great or best friend.  But I want to make sure I'm upfront and honest about everything, no keeping unnecessary secrets here, because a) Again, I don't want to fuck this up and b) We've been so honest up until now that there's no point in hiding a silly little blog.  But I also bring this up because I want to add to the blog a few small details that add up to one very significant change: My name and face.

I don't write solely about dates anymore.  In fact, I'm thinking I won't be writing about future dates at all, save for one very important doozy of a post to come soon (don't worry Josie, it's the post about the date with the overly-talkative Lawyer - it needs comics!!).

But adding my face and name makes it a little more real.  A little more personable.  And a little less creepy and stalkery.  It also makes me way easier to find online, hence the up-til-now delay in attaching names and faces and whatnot.

I mean, someone could Google me and then I'd pop up!  What then?

I'm rambling, I know, but perhaps you see where I'm coming from.  Attaching a name and a face to a currently-anonymous blog is a big step digitally, and it could have a ripple effect elsewhere in my life.  That was the point of the hiatus - to determine any ripples.

I haven't found them, but I'm sure they're there.

I like my blog, and I don't find anything about it overly embarrassing, but I'm scared to sort of open it up and let it out onto the world.  I'm a digital hypochondriac of sorts - I figure anything that could happen because of a blog will happen to me (I'll be fired, I'll get nasty messages from family, my friends will hate me, any and all future boyfriends will leave me...

Geez, why did I start a blog in the first place?

Anyhoo, I'll probably have a few more posts about my anxiety about the blog as I give myself a heart attack over the non-issues at hand, so you should probably get ready to roll your eyes at poor Folly.  In the mean time, here's a pretty photo (because I'm bad at writing conclusions):

I did actually take that photo in Hell, Cayman Islands. Awesome, yeah?

The Picture Alone Makes This Post Worth Reading

ummm......YES PLEASE

I had a wonderful date Friday night with Wednesday-night-guy (now known as WNG, because it's shorter).  We went to dinner, split a bottle of wine, and spent so much time talking and laughing that our waiter had to come back more than four times to get our dessert order! After our three-hour dinner, we didn't want the night to end so we went to a movie theater to see "Thor".  I didn't think I'd enjoy the movie - I'd picked it because it sounded like a good movie for a date - but the movie was AMAZING.  A partially-undressed Chris Hemsworth doesn't hurt either ;)

He held my hand during the movie, he gave me a goodnight kiss, and I'm basically in love with this guy. (Also, totally in lust. What?? I'm honest!)

He's already called to set up a second date.  Meanwhile, the Lawyer (one of the set-ups by a friend) has called to set up a coffee/drinks date to get to know each other for Monday night.  So within the span of 8 days, I will have had three dates with three different guys - D, WNG, and the Lawyer.

I'm trying to go into Monday night's Get to Know You with an open mind -- I've only been out with WNG on one date, and I like this guy too much to have it turn into a Crash-and-Burn situation -- but I'm already trying to figure out how to nicely tell this guy Thanks But No.  Seems like a good idea to see him though, to keep myself grounded.  As I said, I don't want to have a Crash-and-Burn with WNG by getting too involved too soon.  This guy seems genuine and nice, and I don't want to lose him.  Plus, I did tell my friend I'd see and go out with the Lawyer.

It will be fun! I mean sure, I can barely handle one guy at a time and now I'm juggling two (possibly three...we'll get to that story in a bit) but it is a bit of an ego boost to have different guys clamoring for my attentions.  Plus, seeing more than one guy (if only for a little bit, as intended) can be a great way to see if the standout guy is really the standout.

Okay sure, I'm probably just trying to reassure myself that this is actually an okay thing to do.  But it makes sense!

Then, of course, I'm still dealing with D.  D and I met for dinner last Monday night.  In contrast to my three-hour dinner Friday night, the dinner on Monday night lasted a mere 30 minutes.  We had nothing to talk about.  D even looked bored!  He told me he wants to start hanging out more, and go to dinner again, and he's going to give me a call.  I'm so over him, and it's just sort of amusing at this point.  It's like he misses the relationship and what we had (makes sense) but he's confusing that with missing ME (which is not the same).  We'll see how things go with him.  I've tried to be open-minded to the whole being-friends-with-an-ex thing, but I just don't think it's for me.  To paraphrase Samantha from "Sex and the City",  he needs to channel his love for me toward his next relationship.

So it's been a crazy week! And it looks like the next week is going to be just as crazy.  But I'm super excited about life right now, which is great because I was so depressed not that long ago.  Things are going much better at work, which makes me feel much better about my future.  The only thing that saddens me right now is this crazy-busy social life leaves NO TIME to go to the gym!! Ahhh! I'm dying here without my gym time!

Guess I just need to hunker down and really make time for it.  But who wants to make time for the elliptical when I could be out and about with WNG? ;)