Tuesday, June 21, 2011

The Date with the Noisy Lawyer

I look back on this date and laugh.  It was a good date.  No one else really agrees with me, and it certainly makes for a great story, but I really had no idea how...interesting...it was until I noticed other people's reactions as I told the story.

He called me directly instead of meeting me for drinks with the friend who set us up.  She said he'd rather contact me directly - fine with me.  So he called.  Red Flag one was the little mix-up in our activities for the evening.  I'd told our mutual friend, after seeing some of his photos on Facebook, that I had a thing for golfers.  Somehow that got back to him in a different form, and when he called he suggested we go hit some balls after dinner.

I don't play golf.

I can barely swing a club.

I attempted, and attempted is really the key word here, to explain the mix-up without fully giving away what I'd told our friend.  I glossed over my own skills or lack thereof at the sport and explained that I liked golf but I wasn't all that interested in playing.  His response was:

"You just need to practice more.  If you practice more, you'll like it."

Naturally.  I brushed aside his suggestion, or insistence, that I simply needed to practice the sport more to enjoy playing it (I'm perfectly content to caddy for my parents at the moment thankyouverymuch).

I'll caddy for you anytime, Rory McIlroy
As I walked up to the restaurant, I felt exactly like those people you see on the Match.com commercials, walking into their first date.  I felt all clammy and nervous, expecting that familiar jingle to start playing as I headed to the door in my jeans, tee, and pointy heels.

We went to a Vietnamese place and made our own spring rolls - super fun.  (Is it wrong that I now want to take WNG there for the same thing?)  We also had Vietnamese coffee, which was very tasty - also, very caffeinated.  I no longer drink soda, tea, or other caffeinated beverages past about 1pm, so I did not sleep a WINK that night.  Unfortunately, things went downhill not long after arriving. You see, I was told he was "only 5'9"."  This is not an issue, as I am short and even in 4-inch heels I don't break 5'7".  I quickly discovered that Lawyer was SO NOT the 5'9" I was told he was.  I practically towered over him.  This was weird - I'm never taller than anyone!

A personal annoyance of mine is someone who flashes their ability to pay for something at me.  Lawyer insisted I could order anything I wanted off the menu because he was paying.

Um, yes, yes you are paying, I wanted to say.  YOU are the one who called ME! That's my rule - barring any sort of long-term relationship mumbo-jumbo, or really expensive things like concerts or amusement parks, whoever does the asking does the paying.

I must give him credit, he seemed like a really nice, genuine guy, though he could have kept the volume down a bit when telling me about his recent cases.  He's very loud and talkative, and maybe the table behind us didn't need to hear about how one client had his penis out, in his hands, masturbating while women walked passed his car.  Or the details from the sexual assault by the guy who's now in court for the third time on such a charge.

Oh, yeah, side note: I cut my hair super short!!
I could feel my face going red as he spoke, and I tried to shrink as far down in my booth as possible.  At about this point, the table behind us got up to leave after they finished dinner, and as they left they stopped at our table and the lady said, "It was nice getting to know the two of you."

OH NO THEY DI'IN'T (oh yes they did)

WHO DOES THAT????  ANYONE reading our body language could tell that we don't really know each other, and we're likely on a first date.  You can usually tell which couples those are in a restaurant, and dear heavens to Betsy I would NEVER in a million years walk up to a couple that appeared to be on a first date and make such an asinine comment.

I wouldn't make such a comment to any couple, but especially not one that appeared to be on a first date.


Lawyer was kind of a showoff - telling me how he can do whatever he puts his mind to doing, no matter how hard.  Like skiing.  If he wants to go down a Double Diamond hill, then by golly he's going to make it down that Double Diamond hill no matter what.  Because he can.  He kept inviting me to go to Yoga with him the following night (his friend owns the place so he could probably get me a discount).  In fact, he invited me no less than three times to join him at Yoga.

His wallet was made of Argentinean leather, which, you know, is like, super rare and special.  He told me all about a European trip he took with an ex-girlfriend after high school, when they were already exes (don't ever do that, by the way, go on vacation with an ex. So he tells me...).  Really? I don't care if that was 10 years ago -- please don't mention any exes.

Despite his glowing qualities, we had nothing in common.  Different music tastes, movies, book subjects, height, volume levels...he just couldn't compare to WNG, who I'd seen only three days before (and was seeing again the next night, hence why I couldn't accept the ever-present Yoga invitation).

At the end of the date, he took out his phone and showed me pictures of his friend's dog - who had chewed up part of his Argentinean leather wallet - and his parents' two dogs.

After that date, I realized WNG really was the catch I thought he was (and still think he is!).  Also, I started to rethink these set-ups I never had an issue with before.   I MEAN REALLY!!


Claire said...

lol...ohh dear. I love your illustration for when the other couple made the rude comment. That's the worst, when you feel like your date is bringing that much unwanted attention to the two of you.

Don't be too hard on him about the masturbation story, I think that stuff if a hazard of the job and you get kind of jaded about whether something is funny or horrifying, haha. Ok, maybe I'm bais. And maybe I have told my grandmother much more horrifying things about my cases.

I'm glad that you're liking the new guy, that's exciting!!! When it rains it pours, right!? :)

Folly said...

Haha, I tried not to be that hard on him for the masturbation details since that is part of his job, but it was less about the details and more about the VOLUME used in sharing those details! No need for the entire restaurant to hear about anything said at our table during the date, much less about specific...activities...

Haha it does seem to work out that way with me. I'm very happy with WNG and like him a lot - YAY! :)

Josie said...

Snort! Oh I'm so glad you posted this one! He must've been so short, who set you up with him?! And yes it is super obvious when a couple is on their first date. Rude, rude people.
Meanwhile I am having NO dates, so no dirt to dish but am being enticed by lots of lovely emails from a man who works OUT of the country for 6 weeks and then is back for 3 weeks. It's with the UN. The really really bad thing is that I'm falling for him and I haven' even met him! And when I do meet him I don't think I can blog about it coz he knows about my blog. . see the beauty of telling no one? Learn from my experience, Grasshopper.

andrea said...

I think you know, darling, if you really want to learn, I'll teach you. Until you make that decision, golf should simply be an excuse to drink before 5 pm.

Also, I'm sure my reaction was CLASSIC.