Friday, February 18, 2011

The OkCupid Debacle of 2010

Image: Salvatore Vuono /
More than a year ago, I unintentionally started an account at OkCupid.

Yes, unintentionally.  Let me explain.  I created an account to take the tests one night after a few glasses of wine and a night of boredom, and I was only vaguely familiar with the site.  In my slightly drunken haze, I'd remembered the site from a few years back when you could take a few of the tests without having a dating profile on the site.  At the time, this site was the now defunct TheSpark, which had a separate site for quizzes and in 2004 became popular for their matching via quizzes/questions (now known as OkCupid).  I hadn't been on the site since TheSpark was up and running, and I wasn't fully aware (and, as mentioned before, slightly tipsy) that the site was solely for matching and dating.  Shortly after creating the profile, I realized it was a dating profile and that scared me a bit.  I'd never seriously considered online dating before, and I wasn't sure if I was ready to take that step.  Did I want to date online?  And how do I fill out those pesky questions - What was I looking for? Something interesting about myself? I don't know how to answer those things!

But I did it.  I dipped my feet into the water and I thought I was ready to jump (maybe). So I uploaded a photo, filled out a profile, and started poking around the site, figuring out how it works.

That's when he found me.


Atticus was my first boyfriend ever. He was older - much older - than I, and it was, in short, a very unhealthy relationship that naturally did not end well.  I do not have fond memories of that time in my life, at all.  I really don't.

But you see, on OkCupid, you can see who's viewing your profile. And I could see he was viewing my profile. And that made me uncomfortable.  What also made me uncomfortable was that OkCupid said we were an 85% match! We were WHAT?? Didn't they know that he wasn't a nice guy? That he didn't treat me the way I deserved to be treated? DIDN'T THEY KNOW?? (It's okay, I know they didn't know this, Follies.  I know how these sites work. Roll with me here.)

I freaked.  I looked at his profile.  My heart started beating faster and faster, and I could feel my blood pressure start to rise.  What if he winked at me? What if he messaged me? None of this would be okay by me. Follies, you don't understand.  There are things about the relationship between Atticus and I that were beyond not good.  I never should have been with him, he never should have been with me.  I don't talk about these things. They are unhappy things.

So that night, within a few hours of creating the profile, I deleted the account.

Let's fast-forward to the here and now, more than a year later.  I hear good things about OkCupid.  From what I remember, it's fairly easy to use.  There are a lot of varied users, and it's free.  This last part is key because any paid site is out for me.  It feels funny to pay for a matchmaking website, and I don't have the money for that anyway.  I'd be willing to give OkCupid another chance.

But I'm totally freaked that Atticus is still on there and will find me again.  One of you wonderful follies suggested I block him, and for that I thank you, because apparently in my freaked-out-ness I didn't think of that possibility. But that's why, dear follies, I haven't yet jumped back into OkCupid.

And now, it's time to prep for The Bandleader.  I've picked out my outfit, I know how I'll wear my hair, and I am READY TO GO!!!!

Full report after the weekend :)

Much love,

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