Folly Considers Online Dating and Also Loves Giraffes

There are two things that make me feel better when I'm feeling down: Cleaning the house and working out.  Now, I'm a naturally lazy person, so neither of these things are all that appealing to me in ANY mood, but I'm pretty sure there's scientific evidence out there about a clean house equaling a clearer mind; however, I'm feeling lazy and I don't feel like searching it out and finding it for you. So, you'll have to trust me on that. I mean, c'mon - would I lie to you??

I wouldn't.

Promise.

I went to the zoo today, so I was walking for hours out in the sunshine.  Sunshine + walking = much happier mood.  Then, when I got home, I cleaned up a bit around the house, especially the kitchen area.  Clean kitchen = much clearer mood.

I thought I was having a good day. At the very least, a rational day.

But once I sat down, got online, and started relaxing, I realized I wasn't in a good mood.  Apparently, it was only temporarily.

I still haven't seen WNG.  We texted last Friday, but he never responded.  I haven't heard from him, we haven't set up a date, and I have no friggin' clue what's going on with us. At this point, it's been a week and I've decided it's pretty clear - we're over.  He's not interested. Who knew the Nice Guys were such chicken shits?

So now I'm more seriously looking at dating websites. I think I'm able to afford it now, since I've recently received a pay raise at work (yay!) so I just have to pick one.  I wish they posted their "Free Communication Weekends" in advance - I'd hate to sign up and pay for a few months and then have them promote a free weekend!! (although last year there was a free weekend at the end of July, so maybe another one will happen soon??)

I've narrowed it down to Chemistry.com and eHarmony.com.  I know about 10 people who met their current paramours/husbands on eHarms, and I'm familiar with the scientist behind Chemistry.com (she's came to speak at my university while I was there. Luv huh!). I know both of these sites have some of the longest personality questionnaires, but I'm okay with that if it helps me get a better match.

Plus, they're pretty popular and well-known, so I feel like there will be more people signed up.  Or, to be clearer, there will be more GUYS signed up, therefore more chances for a match.

I can only afford one, so I'll have to make a choice.  So far, I'm leaning toward eHarms, but only time will tell. Naturally I'll keep you all posted (since apparently this blog is staying put, as I haven't figured out what I want to do with it/my "brand/etc. haha).

To end on a happy note, I give you a picture I took today of a giraffe.  I'm a sucker for anything giraffe-print, including actual giraffes.

And oh heck, let's throw in a Giraffe video, courtesy of SNL and Hulu, for the heck of it:

Folly Gets Serious

At first, I was convinced I was Depressed.  The feeling's been going on for a few weeks now and I even put calling my doctor on my list of Things To Do But Will Procrastinate In Doing, but there was something off about it.  Something not so...sad.  Now, I'm generally a Depressive person, and I know what Depression feels like for me.  This was off.  So then I decided I must be suffering from Anxiety.  Again, something I know about.  In high school, I used to suffer Panic Attacks and Vertigo just at the thought of raising my hand to answer a question.

Despite my love of Alfred Hitchcock, I can't stand this movie.

I decided against the Anxiety when I realized I wasn't actually anxious about anything.  So I went back to Depression.

I'm still not positive that's what it is, since it seems different than what I've experienced before, but I'm certainly feeling something.  I have a lot of reasons to feel run-down, depressed, stressed-out, or more.  Mom is still unemployed, has been for 19 months, and it's really taking a toll on her.  She's very depressed, lacking confidence, and, as it happens with unemployment, money is tight.  She's also admitted that it's taking a toll on her and my father's relationship.

I'm not seriously worried about them, but I don't like to hear those things.

In addition, I spent the last four weeks training for my first ever 5k race, held on The Fourth.  I didn't run the 3.1 miles straight through, but I did my darndest and I achieved all of my goals for the event:
A.   Finish in under 45 minutes
B.   Don't be the last to finish
C.   Just Finish. Alive.

That other time is the "chip time", whatever that is.

I finished the race in 37:43.83, well under my 45 minute goal. YAY ME! Unfortunately, the training and the race left me completely spent.  I'll be honest - I did not take as good of care of myself as I should have with the training and the running.  I didn't drink enough water, I didn't eat enough protein - lesson learned, for sure.

So, what do we have so far? We have mom's stressors, which are a domino effect for the rest of the family.  We have physical stressors, from the running and the training.  We have the already existing stressors from trying to figure out a career path and dealing with Trevor the Terrible Large Intestine.

My feet are covered with 'skeeter bites (apparently wearing flip-flops, after running, on a summer night = bugs descend like crazy).  Oh, my computer keeps going berserk-o on me and I have no idea why!

Basically, it all adds up to be not being in a good head space.  Then, of course, there's WNG.  WNG is working a lot, and he was gone on the holiday weekend, and so I haven't seen him in over two weeks.  I haven't spoken to him on the phone in almost as long.  We've conversed ever-so-briefly via text messages in the last two days, but we haven't made any plans to see each other.

This upsets me.

But I can't tell if it upsets me because there's actually a root issue, or if it upsets me because I have so much going on right now that I can't deal with a boy at the moment.

I've tried to listen to my Gut, and determine if it's a Gut Issue or a Dragon Issue, but I have no feeling about it.  No Gut feelings.  No Dragon feelings.  Just unclear, upset feelings.

I don't really know where I'm going with this rant.  I started writing all these things down for myself and felt the need to share them with others.  Perhaps I'm just tired and just need some sleep.  Perhaps I somehow managed to fuck things up with this great guy and ended up with a crash-n-burn relationship to show for it.  Or, perhaps I'm just overthinking things with WNG because of other things going on right now. 

I don't know.  I just really don't know what's going on with any part of my life right now.  When I go back and preview the post, I feel so stupid about even complaining about the WNG issues.  I read what I've written and think, logically, this is No. Big. Deal.  But it doesn't feel like it's no big deal.

Geez, what am I, 17 again?

Effff.....