I finally saw my GP about Trevor and his issues. I was hesitant to bring up the depression on it's own because I still had this nagging feeling that something was very different about this funk, that it wasn't actually a depression but a symptom of something else. Plus, the most important thing was to take care of Trevor. GI issues are hell, and if I could figure out Trevor then maybe I could figure out my head.
I was super nervous going into the appointment. Doctor visits alone don't make me nervous, but I hadn't been in for about three years, and I was terrified of two outcomes - the Dr would tell me I'm crazy and causing the problems myself, or he'd rush me to the emergency room. Neither of these was an acceptable outcome for me. Surely, I thought, there had to be a middle ground. Nevertheless, my heart was an Indy car driver in my chest, and the nurse had to tell me to relax and calm down while I sat in the pediatric room (all the other rooms were full).
I had my notebook and list of symptoms, everything I wanted to discuss with him and then some. I laid out my symptoms, gave a time frame, discussed in detail the sharp, stabby pains and the burning and the cramping and the whatnot. I was the golden patient. Then he did what all doctors are so very good at doing - he asked the question, the question, the one I was not prepared for but was so, so simple, so uncomplicated, so....obvious. And he asked The Obvious Question so calmly and simply that I thought, "Why didn't I think of logging that symptom? Why, I have no idea how to answer that." I glanced at my notes and stumbled, mumbling "um, I don't know. No?" Suddenly I didn't feel like the golden patient.
Probably more golden than most, though. I mean, I must give myself some credit.
Then he asked questions about fiber pills and supplements, why I stopped taking some and why I wasn't taking others, and again asked obvious questions that I hadn't thought of, and I felt almost defeated. "That's it, I'm bringing this pain on myself, I didn't need this visit. He thinks I'm an idiot I'm sure of it!" I answered his questions, trying to be as honest as possible - I am in pain, after all.
Side note: He's been seeing me since I was 7 years old, so if I was an idiot I'm pretty sure he already knew that.
He then turned more toward me on his little rolling seat and said, "Well, it looks like we need to get more aggressive in our treatment." He walked over to a shelf on the wall, grabbed a full-color illustration of stomach and GI issues, and explained to me that I have...
Wha--? Acid Reflux? The annoying thing with the acid and the throat and the whatnot? You mean, I'm not dying? You see, Folly is a bit of a hypochondriac. A hypochondriac in denial, if you will. I always assume it's the worst condition, and any little pain I have MUST be indicative of something larger, but I also believe that I must be exaggerating, so I never get anything checked out. As an example, it had crossed my mind that I may have the HIV or the AIDS or the Colon Cancer, despite any sort of evidence to the contrary. Please have a laugh at my expense - it will make me feel less pathetic. Plus, I didn't see how I could have acid reflux without feeling that annoying reflux part - isn't that, like, the whole point of a reflux condition?
Then he explained the condition to me. Yeah, turns out, I have that.
I'm now taking about 9 pills a day split between the morning and evening, with 7 of those pills relating to Trevor and his issues. It's a lot, but it sounds like it's temporary for now. I have to see the doctor again in a few weeks to see if this is working.
|Almost all of my morning pills. Ugh.|
Something else that came out of that doctor visit is that I am very low on Calcium and Vitamin D. I now have to take a daily supplement to ensure I'm getting enough calcium, as not only am I getting enough, but all the pills I'm on hinder calcium absorption. So, these two giant HORSEPILLS are part of my daily 9 pill haul. I hate them. But...butbutbutbutBUT:
I feel so much happier. Not that there's a lot of conclusive evidence that the two are related, but Vitamin D can (can, not does or will) help with mood elevation. And guess what? Whether it's a placebo effect or for realsies I feel so much better being on this supplement. Maybe one day I'll eat enough calcium and get out in the sun often enough for my body to make the vitamin myself, but for now the supplement seems to be working. Yay!!
In other news, WNG pops up every now again, texting at odd times, not responding, then finally responding at odd times again. He's a bit of an odd duck, that one.
And in other OTHER news, I am all signed up on eHarmony. Sort of. I haven't paid yet. A friend of mine who used the site and found her fiancee said if you make a profile and then don't sign up for a week, they send you a great coupon. So I'm waiting for my coupon.
Meanwhile, I've had at least 12 men want to initiate the "Guided Communication" with me, and two more emails are sitting in my inbox so it's probably more like 13 or 14 guys. HOLY CRAP FOLLY IS OVERWHELMED BY THE MEN. I don't get ONE guy to talk to me per MONTH in real life, much less 14 in LESS THAN 24 HOURS. That coupon should probably hurry up, or all these emails are going to scare me away from the site!
But I'll make the guys sweat it out a bit. No need to look desperate 'round these parts. Right? RIGHT?
UPDATE: I decided to go ahead and pay for the eHarmony subscription. I looked at the costs, and what I would save with the expected coupon, and I decided it's not worth it to wait a week. Oh, and the number is up to